The first trimester in fast forward

It's probably pretty clear that these first few posts are us doing catch-up. We are currently in the 3rd Trimester and getting ready for the big day... but we wanted to backtrack to capture those first 6 heady months to make the record complete.

I'm sure Eli will post on this topic as well, but I thought I'd write a few words about the first two trimesters. For obvious reasons it won't be blow-for-blow as we might have hoped but hopefully we'll capture the most important bits.

For me, in a physical sense, of course the first trimester was a breeze since I don't have to bear the burden of the physical pregnancy.

That doesn't make it easy however. Eli was quite ill throughout most the the first trimester and the constant nausea and general malaise she was feeling brought back unhappy memories of when she had to endure treatment for her cancer for both of us. The emotional toil at this was pretty heavy but, as always, we battled through it.

For the observer, as I largely was, not a lot is happening in the first trimester but of course, "under the hood", if I'm permitted such a crude simile, there is a lot happening. There were some small signs of change, a rounding of the tummy, some small weight gain but nothing really "in your face".

Of course, like all expectant parents in the early pregnancy, we were on tenderhooks! We've had a rough couple of years for the last few and my instinct was not to hope for too much in case that hope got dashed. Eli is generally a calm person and she never really betrayed any worry to me about how things were going but I'm a born worrier and I was in hyper-stress mode all through the first trimester dreading that something would go wrong.

One of the first things I learned, and I hope this is a piece of wisdom that any expectant or potential parents who read this take to heart, is that all of the literature you read about early pregnancy is doom and gloom! Don't believe it!

I swear, people, books, TV, everything starts off telling you "You're Pregnant! It's a wonderful thing!" and then proceeds to prophesy every form of negativity you can imagine as if the only possible outcome is bad.

In point of fact, most pregnancies are normal... there is a tiny percentage (less than 1%) in which something goes wrong with the baby or the mother... These books always front up with this ("You're pregnant! It's a wonderful thing! 99.9% of all pregnancies have no problems but...") and then spend almost the entire rest of the book telling you every bloody thing which can go wrong!

You'd think that medical staff would go to some pains therefore to redress the balance for the health of mum-to-be, dad-to-be and of course, baby.. You go to them full to the brim with all this knowledge about the thousands and thousands of things you're completely convinced *will* go wrong with your pregnancy and baby and what you really really need is someone to re-assure you that these things are the minorty, not the majority of cases as it seems... but no.. this being "riskless Britian" they have to be 100% certain that they tell you about everything that can possibly go wrong so that, in the unlikely event that it does, you can't say they didn't warn you.

I thought these people took a hippocratic oath to "do nothing to harm the patient" for **** sake. Isn't it about time they were reminded of it and the Government in this country stop trying to turn the medical staff of its health-service into anti-litigation civil servants instead of carers and physicians!

Well, rant over, let's move on :)

One of the big worries of course (so we were taught to think) is Downs Syndrome. I'm not sure why people are so terrified of having a Downs child. I realise that they take more effort on the part of the parents to rear, and they can have health difficulties but why does that matter? Your child is your child! Why is it so important to single out this one thing. People don't spend hours worrying if their child will be short, blind, deaf, dumb, bow-legged, ugly as a pigs behind... or any other "defect" or attribute they might have which could in some way be construed as negative... yet we should get all bent out of shape worrying about Downs Syndrome... I just doesn't make sense.

I have to admit, I was the one pushing to know at the time what our risk factor was... and I rationalised it at the time as simply to know "what we were letting ourselves in for" but the more I think about it now, I think that was an excuse to myself. In reality I was caught up in that whole mindset... Now, thankfully, I've seen the light and I truly believe if Pip comes out as a Downs child (after all, there's still a risk!), I'll love her not one single bit less than I would if she were "normal".

After all of the emotional turmoil of the first trimester, next of course comes the first scan.

Let me tell you... if you're going to be a Dad.. and you're in the early stages, this event more than makes up for the emotional turmoil and the stress you're going through in the early stages.

To date, for me, it's the most incredible thing I've ever experienced. (Yes, I fully expect the birth to eclipse it - but "to date") We were on complete tenderhooks for the appointment. This is a big day! When we were called in to the room to do the scan, my whole body was, quite literally, rigid with tension.

After exchanging some pleasantries with the lady doing the scan, it was down to business...

First she had to check that there was only one baby in there (Eli gave thanks when it was declared that there was only one!) and then it was down to the main business of the scan.


It's almost impossible to put into words the wave of emotion which came over me when we saw the first proper pictures. It was the strangest feeling I have ever had. When pictures of Pip started showing up on screen, my entire body reacted involuntarily. I was overcome, as I said, with a sensation I can only describe as Awe. My mouth fell open, my eyes watered and I felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness and love for a picture on the screen.

Incredible! I expected that I'd have some feelings like this when she's born but not when she's a few centimeters long, weighing a handful of grammes and the only visible sign of her existence is a slight swelling and a black-and-white vaguely human image on a TV screen. Nature truly is a marvel.

The lasting impression that day has made on me will never leave.
What a way to cap off the first Trimester!